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Divorce is a painful but sometimes necessary option. In keeping with nature of a last resort, it’s also a very difficult decision to make. Do we jump ship or keep it sailing? What about our children? What about us?
All those elements of your life that a divorce touches can make consequences appear catastrophic and unbearable. However, a divorce can sometimes be the best decision for you and your family. Deciding if it’s right for you, however, can be very difficult.
This is what discernment counseling was designed to do. Rather than attempt to solve problems in a marriage, discernment counseling is a first step. It helps you decide if your problems can be solved, and if not, where to go from there.
Every marriage is different, and Azevedo takes that into account. However, there are certain situations where this type of counseling is useful.
If Spouses Are Leaning in Different Directions
If one person has already made up their mind about divorce, the time for discernment counseling has passed. However, if one partner is leaning out while the other is leaning in, discernment counseling can help.
A leaning out partner is experiencing distress while in the marriage, but not quite enough to leave immediately. A leaning in partner is sometimes unaware of the distress their partner is experiencing and wants to work on a marriage. It is often the leaning in partner that pushes for marital therapy. Traditional marriage counseling assumes both parties are all in, which can be ineffective when there are dual agendas.
As part of each discernment counseling session, the couple is seen together for a short time, individually for the bulk of the time, and then together again at the end. This helps each partner identify how they have participated in blocking the marriage. It helps couples clarify their goals and gets each partner on the same page.
When Marriage Counseling Has Not Been Attempted
Discernment counseling is an appropriate first step in the repair of a marriage. Marriage counseling, contrary to popular belief, is actually better as a second step. If a couple goes into marriage counseling when one spouse is not committed, the process can be long, drawn out and emotionally brutal. Discernment counseling helps determine if traditional marriage counseling should even be considered.
When You Don’t Know If Your Marriage Can be Saved
Sometimes when a personal relationship has hit hard times, we ask ourselves a lot of questions. How did we get here? Where can we go from here? Couples who know that something is wrong but aren’t sure how to fix it can benefit from discernment counseling. A certified counselor can help you figure out those next steps, so that you take the most responsible course for your family.
If you are interested in discernment counseling, Azevedo Family Psychology can help. Contact us today at 919-624-9561 if you would like to learn more.
