Getting Over a Breakup

Some of the best stories ever written are about breakups, and they’re a singular topic throughout pop culture. The reasons are obvious: it’s a painful event that transcends religion, race, class, and gender. Breakups are universally regarded as just the worst.

Science agrees: breakups have definite psychological effects on both parties. But as these effects are definable, so are their remedies! Though every breakup is different, there are some universal strategies that are likely to make it less painful. Today we’re exploring why breakups hurt and how to mend a broken heart.

How Breakups Affect People

It’s called heartbreak for a reason: sadness at love gone wrong is directly tied to pain receptors. Researchers at Columbia University discovered that feelings of longing for a recent ex activate the same places in your brain as physical pain. Though this rarely manifests as actual pain, it serves the same purpose: alerting you that something is horribly wrong.

The study also outlined the practice of rumination – obsessive nostalgia over the relationship and what went wrong – and its similarities to physical trauma. Women are more likely to do this, whereas men are more likely to distract themselves and avoid their feelings. Neither practice is healthy.

What You Can Do

Many psychologists suggest using cognitive reappraisal as a method to overcome stressful life events. Cognitive reappraisal is a deliberate thought exercise that reframes these events as challenges, rather than problems to suffer through. Seeing them in this way can help uncover the steps needed to conquer them, and research shows that cognitive reappraisal can reduce depressive symptoms.

Of course, such a mindset shift is easier said than done. But you can support yourself in a few easy ways.

The first, most healthy thing you can do is avoid assigning blame. Even when a past partner has wronged you (with the obvious exceptions for abuse and similar situations), the issue can often be symptomatic. If you’re the one who did the wronging, self-loathing will only exacerbate guilt. Instead, focus on how to improve yourself and change unwanted behaviors.

You should also refocus on your own interests and health. In relationships on the brink, partners may lean in, desperately trying to save the relationship at the expense of themselves. Indulging in hobbies, exercise, and meditation can help a lot with the self-care needed to get past a breakup.

Speaking with a qualified professional can also help ease the pain of a serious breakup. If you need some help on your journey, contact Azevedo Family Psychology today! We can help you get there.