The Ingredients of Responsible Co-parenting

Breakups can be bad. Divorce can be even worse.

Divorce is so emotionally damaging that it is second only to the death of a spouse, according to the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory. The associated financial and lifestyle changes can snowball and quickly exacerbate the problem.

Divorce can hit just as hard for kids. They can develop a fear of loss and change. If you and your spouse divorce, you owe it to your child to give them as stable of an environment as you can, a place separate from your personal disputes. The core principles of co-parenting are not only critical, but possible.

Be Kind to Each Other

Your kids learn a lot by watching how you interact. Seeing a divorce in action will teach them how pain, compromise, and anger should be handled. Though you and your ex aren’t whispering sweet nothings anymore, you should talk to each other with respect. Not only will it make your child feel better, but it might make you feel better.

Be Accommodating

Extenuating legal circumstances aside, everyone in your child’s life has the right to see them. You should support your child’s relationship with the other parent. Divide time equally, respect that time, and be flexible with each other’s schedules. Most importantly, you must present the other parent as a valuable, helpful source in your child’s life, rather than a demonized ex.

Maintain Your Place

When you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy to be selfish. It’s also the most important time to not be selfish. Your child needs strong parental support, and your role there cannot slip. As you figure things out with your ex, make a concerted effort to ask your child how they’re feeling. Be open, be honest, and be prompt.

Take Care of Yourself

We’ve talked a lot about your kids here, but don’t forget about you! Mental and physical health are closely correlated, and self-care will have a significant impact on your ability to co-parent. It sets the same healthy precedent as the communication and compromise required in other aspects of your co-parenting arrangement.

Co-parenting requires compromise, maturity, and preparation on the part of both parents. Of course, that’s easier said than done! If you need help getting started, a family therapist can help.

Call Azevedo Family Psychology today and create a life worth celebrating!